Before the pandemic, I ventured into creating a global presence for different businesses to do different activities in foreign countries besides all of the American, and Texas where I normally live, countries.
Watching the countries shut down and go into a crisis mode, I felt completely in unchartered waters, as a global pandemic of any magnitude has been over a 100 years. So I thought about the "Great Depression" when the stock market collapsed, and then I thought about, how we have had other pandemics, such as the flu, or plagues, and I really felt like we have invested so much in relying on technology to answer everything that we should have been prepared to do everything faster and have the answers before the disease become prevalent.
I didn't understand that you can't just take the genome of the human race, and put it through a computer, and come out with a vaccine for a pandemic before it occurs.
We live our lives with so much automation to replace the human experience, that we sometimes think that artificial intelligence and automation is a replacement for the human experience and condition to feel human, when we have lost so many things that we took for granted like interacting with our communities face to face in reality instead of virtually, so the definitive becomes questioned with how much can we as a collective human race take from witnessing all of the deaths and tragedy from a pandemic, the economy being forced to shut down, and why, why, why, why,////..... why did we have to do it in the first place? Why didn't we have an answer before there was a question?
Certainly we have had time to ponder so many different scenarios for doomdays pandemics with unknown variables, that we could have just had one specimun, even the one doctor that rang the alarm on discovering the virus, and replicated it and created it's counterpart without any deaths.
I think that is the hardest thing to understand.
Why do we have to listen to a bunch of doctors and governments keeping us safe?
When will it be over?
When will we not have to practice social distancing?
When will we be able to travel freely to any country?
How much time will we take online or offline and what will be the outcome of the changes in the workplace and work force?
We survive together, because we stay connected as much as we can, so we don't have to feel so alone in the longer sense of time.
No one invited me to give out information about COVID-19 through my media company, people just asked that I shared what I could about getting vaccinated and social media outlets about safety measures.
I intend to contemplate why humans cannot be immortal, so I tend to internalize death, by not being able to let humans go, so the pandemic for me anyways didn't just ruin all of my plans on going global- it sent a shock wave to every global community, and we are going through the motions of an aftermathed type of a scenario with how we are picking up the pieces of our communities, taking care of ourselves and others, & so on.
Seeing the world online my whole life for the most part living in Texas, it never occurred to me that some of the world wouldn't be waiting or available from what I was planning to do, see, hear, taste, smell, and experience in other states with the United States and other countries around the world.
Time feels like it was stolen from all of us due to the on going pandemic from unknown origins, and yet then it froze in a sense where we were helpless, we were hopeful, we are supposed to be resilient and the masters of our domain and dominion among all the animals in the planet.... but I just can't imagine what we are leaving future generations to look back at us in this moment in time and wonder or research and find out how we survived, if we survived, and what we did with ourselves and others in going local from being global, and how we get back to connecting globally, locally, if we are socially distanced for the time being, how long it takes and how much it breaks our human spirit, to appreciate the air we breath, the people and places we see, travelling, having clean running water and electricity and food.
I am picking up the pieces of me that are my broken self and putting them back together and struggling to feel at home with so many unknown variables.
I get fatigued, I get a little burned out, but not too much and too often like when I was younger and thought I could take on anything. Now I am slower to anger, I am cautious to make decisions that will impact me and everyone around me, I am reflecting, I am rejecting that we will live in a state of death indefinitely through a pandemic or a plague, or emergency, or tragedy, or restrictions, & I could use some hopeful and wishful thinking put into actions as plans and goals instead of dreaming.
It starts with a single step. We all have to figure out, how we are going to take our own, together, individually, and with "Conscientiousness", something I learned from a little old girls/woman's club meeting.
For mental health self-care, I have recognized that it is ok to cry when you need it, and to get as much sleep as humanly possible even if you are glued to your devices to answer every call/page/text/email whatever on an ongoing emergency or regular basis.
I have been reaching out to family whenever possible, work school connections, and planning out what to do and what I can do to contribute to myself and future generations, should they ever experience having to go through a nightmare in pandemic healthcare.
I have stopped caring about people harassing me or attacking me online or threatening me online, if there is not a guy with a gun coming towards my room (which actually happened) trying to shoot my dog for barking, I am not going to keep responding to online attacks and break down crying from rumors and gossip. They are not here in person. I have been choosing to reconnect with feeling human touch sometimes, and especially books and nature- although I wasn't raised to stay in the sunlight unless I had sunscreen, and I have silenced naysayers who tell me to get rid of my dogs or my ideas, and I have decided that I am moving forward with what I am doing, and not letting others decide what is right for my life.
I am checking my health more often and wanting to help others whenever I can. I am planning on getting pregnant again and being married at some point, even if I do not have all of the answers figured out, and I am not giving up on others or myself, I am rejecting inhumane treatment, I am writing down my fears and countering them. I am eating healthier whenever possible, I am comparing myself to myself and no one else for my own growth with what my life plan ought to be.
I am thankful for whoever is reading my articles and blogs and finds some usage in them.
Thank you for your time.
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